Suicide Probably Ain't Painless

  The suicide last week of Robin Williams was a total bummer to most of the planet.  I'm pretty sure African Ebola patients, and those Iraqi Yazidis who weren't busy trying to leave town before ISIS arrived even heard the news, though I doubt many of them had ever heard of Robin Williams.  I can truly understand how and why he made the decision he did.  Even if an autopsy reveals more than what we already know about the master of comedy, his decision to take his own life reveals how brutally sudden those we love can be taken away from us without warning.  In my own life and experience, I have also been in that deep, dark hole we call depression.  My episodes of depression are thankfully short lived, and usually directly tied to an unhappy event immediately preceding.  I have also experienced anxiety, but gratefully not to the extent that requires therapy or medication.  Most of the major events in my life of the past few years, though painful physically or psychologically, did NOT evoke any episode of major depression or anxiety.  I have no idea why.

    I was pleasantly vindicated to realize that even meeting Jesus was not as awe inspiring as I had been led to believe it would be.  All of my life from birth, I have been told in no uncertain terms how joyful, pleasant, evocative it would be to meet the son of God face to face.  I imagine he is very busy, as much as the old man is probably, but when my turn came, he failed to make the appointment.  I can say this because I underwent open heart surgery last April.  During the course of that procedure, it becomes necessary to actually stop the patient's heart long enough to complete the procedure.  Within that period of time, though a heart/lung machine takes over the vital function of moving oxygenated blood through your body, and especially the brain, the heart itself is no longer beating. Immediately before, and then again after the procedure, when the heart is supposed to restart itself and take over again, the individual is clinically dead.  Despite what certain religious neurologists and little boys think, there will be NO ONE there to meet you at the Pearly Gates, whether you have an invitation or not.  We came from the ions and atoms that make up everything around us, and we will return to that consistency when we can no longer keep it from happening......even as I write, my ex girlfriend's brother (or at least some of him) is mixing with the limestone and water that make up Mammoth Cave Kentucky, a place he reportedly enjoyed visiting while alive.

To Everything Turn, Turn, Turn....OR 

A SCAR IS BORN!

     So, as mentioned previously, I just KNEW this was going to be an EXCITING YEAR!  As predicted, @#it happens.  On April 17th, 2014 I entered Kettering Hospital in Dayton, OH. for a CABG procedure.  Popularly known as a quadruple bypass open heart surgery.  After having a total of seven stents placed in various of my coronary arteries since November 2006, but being told repeatedly over the past two years that I was NOT a candidate for open heart, I was in the process of getting 2 MORE stents in March, when my cardiologist in Hamilton suddenly seemed to have his own change of heart.  After reviewing the videos, and discussing various alternatives with both my cardiologist as well as the surgeon, then enduring almost a month of increasingly serious and painful angina, I decided to take what amounted to me a bungee jump.  
     Surgery went mostly well, rehab, follow up home health care is progressing, and at this point I am at the seven week mark post surgically, getting incrementally healthier day by day.  I have lost a LOT of weight, but not a program I would recommend for anyone.  I am below 200 lbs., which hasn't happened to me since I was 12 or 13 years old.  I continue to recuperate, even after a brief return to the hospital for treatment of post thoracic syndrome.  Medications are great.  With any luck I might be able to visit some friends next month.  Though I had planned to wait longer, it seems I may have to find another 4 legged child to give me a good reason to get off my &&ss regularly.  I have a tendency to rest on it far too much, and need to move around more to assist the healing process......

UNTIL the next time.............

If Not Now, When?

     Indeed, it has been quite awhile since last I composed and published this blog.  It seemed to me that my life and fortunes were in a downward spiral, and not very far from the ground.  To say the least, the last 10 years have been somewhat cruel.  Although there had been notable bright spots, for the most part things were not going as well as expected even given my propensity for stepping in sh--t, yet coming out smelling like roses.

For the most part I was unable to understand the forces beyond my control that seemed to be keeping me either in the frying pan or the fire.  There were a number of issues that eventually were resolved, but it was a long, slow, tortuous process.  Trying to find a reason to write this blog just added to the confusion. Of course, time flies while having fun, so before very long, more than a few years had passed.  The main point is now I am back, better than I ever was, maybe not as good as I once was, but you be the judge.  Comments and constructive criticism are welcome, but if you get gnarly I will have to hunt you down.

     So, at this point, here is the soap opera digest update.  My best 4 legged friend for more than 12 years passed away last October of a massive, sudden heart  attack.  He didn't even smoke, kept his weight normal, never consumed alcohol, just got old and lived with me through all the ups and downs.  I also got back onto the local boards as the sheriff with a production of Bus Stop, which went pretty well.  As of now, I have removed myself from one relationship that wasn't working, and moved back into Sherman Manor which is almost like a dormitory for us old fogeys in God's waiting room.  I have renewed old acquaintances here and am becoming settled in and more comfortable with each passing day.  My car still works great. My children all seem to be happy, healthy and successful.  Grandchildren are sprouting everywhere, with the latest, twin girls, born less than a month ago in January 2014.  Somehow I had the feeling that this will be a truly magnificent year for me, one for the record books.  Although last year wasn't too bad, I expect to find myself back in the game for more fun and good times.  My goals and ambitions remain the same as they have at this stage of my life, I might remember to explain them in detail at a later time.  For now, it is enough to be grateful and express that gratitude to myself and to those that know me personally.  On a daily basis.....I truly feel blessed!