Its All About The Benjamins!!!

     Since PG and I live in a no-man's land of RV parks, and our fiberglass castle on wheels does not accommodate typically normal household perks of a washing machine and dryer, we must weekly avail ourselves of the services of a local laundromat.  At the beginning of our odyssey, a greedy entrepreneur opened a brand new, TV and Wi-Fi equipped laundry with an assortment of washing machines of all capacities, and a variety of dryers, all the same size......and all somewhat more expensive than most of the other laundromats we had scouted.  Since it was newer and bigger, PG decided it was better than the machinery at the RV park we were living at, even if it was more inconvenient and expensive.  After weeks of drudging back and forth, feeding what seems like HUNDREDS of quarters into insatiable coin boxes, only to have MY clothing barely dried with several coats of detergent still on them, I finally reached the breaking point.

     Last week, the weather in sunny North Florida took a sudden, unexpected but very welcomed turn towards spring.  In the laundromat, as they usually do with numerous dryers running simultaneously, it began to get just a little stuffy and warm.  Unfortunately, the new harpy working that day insisted that even the overhead fans were on a secret, locked up, only accessible by the manager switch, and she then suggested PG and I move all our laundry closer to the front, where air quality was much more pleasant.  Earlier, another fellow complained that one dryer he was using wasn't working properly.  He asked for a refund, but was refused, and left, explaining that he would never return.  PG had a similar problem in that one dryer stopped before an adjacent one she had been using, even though both had been started at the same time (timers were not functioning).  After she also received less than helpful advice from the charwoman, and all I had asked for was simply to turn on a couple of overhead fans, we too decided we would vote with our feet and the few shekels we spend a week to patronize another, more helpful establishment.

     It just galls me though, that particularly in a bad economy where every dime is hard won and earnestly sought, so many small business owners would be so unconcerned or unaware of their customer's satisfaction.  Now, to be fair, I did not contact the owner, but when his business takes a dive, he'll hafta wonder why.  There are also many, many good businesses in this town who offer excellent customer service, each and every visit.  Though some of them tend to be a little pricier, we will continue to do business ONLY because of the level of service.  It was coined many years ago, supposedly at Marshall Fields in Chicago:  "The customer is always right".  Even if that is not entirely accurate, if you depend on the cash paying public for your livelihood, it behooves the merchant to at least PRETEND that its so, as often and as well as he or she can.

     I have been on both sides of the fence though, so in fairness to merchants everywhere, I offer the following website:  http://notalwaysright.com/tag/bookstore


"We don't know what we want, but we are ready to bite somebody to get it."  

Will Rogers

Its the economy, stoopid!

Jon

Do I Still Have Time To Repent?

     The Book of Revelation not withstanding, I have to marvel at the ancient Mayans and their predictions of doom on December 12, 2012.  The recent movie goes into some detail, and of course, whether he is entirely accurate, its hard to dismiss Nostradamus with all of his legendary and confusing predictions.  My point is, maybe these are the days that try men's souls.  Celebrating the completion of his first year in office, President Obama is the first African American president elected in this country, a surprise and shock to some in and of itself.  We now see unparalleled destruction in Haiti,.  Curious swarms of earthquakes, most too small to notice, occurring almost daily in Yellowstone, and an event that almost surely calls attention to the end times.  Senator Ted Kennedy's former senate seat is lost to the REPUBLICAN candidate, in MASSACHUSETTS!!   The guy was barely known even a month ago, at least nationally.  As if that weren't bad enough, this new senator erases the "easy super majority" president Obama had in the senate to help him get the health bill passed, which was Ted Kennedy's pet project for the last few years.  Maybe Karma really is a B____!!  Florida in one day, had NO head coaches for their football programs.  Cats and Dogs living together, etc., etc.

     Personally, PG and I were looking forward to visiting out west, and particularly visiting the Grand Canyon and Yellowstone National Park later this year.  Its also an El Nino year, at least meteorologically, and that means increased rain and storms for the southwest and southeast, and just generally increased chances of death and destruction.  We'll try to stay in touch, but I'm gonna keep my rosary beads with me just in case......

Jon

Of Women.........And Dogs

     First of all, don't get ahead of me.  I'm NOT going for the easy laugh, or ANY comparisons......or at least the obvious.  Most people would expect that living full time in an older RV with one ancient cat (no, NOT me), and three lovable mutts might be crazy, dangerous or both.  Sometimes, I think it is.  Purple grannie owns the youngest but biggest, and the oldest but smallest, as well as the cat.  My dog is the only neutered male (besides me), but we all have settled down to a somewhat monotonous daily routine in the RV park.  Since we do live among a LOT of neighbors, we can't just let the dogs run at will to do their "business", so I usually have to take them out several times a day, to get them to do what they must NEVER do in the RV.  This is a lot more of a chore than you might think.  Taking all three at the same time is possible, but not necessarily productive.  Taking each one individually is a lot more time consuming and uncomfortable, depending on the weather.  I have also found that female dogs have a lot in common with female shoppers.  My dog, Andy, is on a mission as soon as he hits the door.  Get it done, get back inside, get a dog treat.  The two girls on the other hand, approach the process entirely differently.  One has to find the most distant, least accessible. weed choked corner, and make sure NO One can watch her do her thing.  The older one must thoroughly inspect EVERY OTHER piece of dog poo ever laid down by any other dog in the park, and still carefully select just the right spot to leave her DNA.  Its much like shopping with a woman in a department store for ANYTHING, and takes almost the same amount of time.  And God forbid any other dogs show up on the scene, that takes another 5 minutes for the face down.  On the plus side, at least I don't have to clean out a box for them every week.
     All things considered, they are all well behaved animals, and they each add much to our mundane lifestyle.  Not much different than raising children, and without a doubt happier to see you when you get home.

Jon

"I spilled spot remover on my dog. He's gone now." - Steven Wright
 

The Week That Was...and Will Be Forever.

     Another long week has ended since my last post, but what a week it has been.  The long, miserable "cold spell" has ended in Florida.  Jay Leno manages to hang on, at the expense of Conan and Jimmy Fallon.  Worst of all, the nation of Haiti suffers a brutal catastrophe in the form of an earthquake.  As everyone presumably knows, Haiti never has had a lot going for it, other than a certain amount of national pride and integrity, and sometimes those qualities were in short supply.  Though no one really agrees with Pat Robertson about the causes of Haiti's misfortunes, it would almost seem just as plausible to believe that somehow, God MUST have it in for that unfortunate country.  Worldwide news coverage, led by most all of the US networks, has been at various times laughable, horrible, daring or nauseating.  Much like the earlier disasters of Indonesia and New Orleans, these news organizations try their best to excite and horrify the public in the course of telling the facts of the situation.  Of course, this has always been the way news is covered, if they can't provide new facts, or details, spice it up with hour upon endless hour of speculation about how bad things will surely become.  If things don't take a turn for the worse, no one needs to know.  For the next 6 months, 1 year, 5 years, etc., we'll be bombarded with hundreds of "human interest" stories about how much better Haiti is becoming, or isn't becoming.....depending.  Granted, this is a horrible tragedy of enormous proportions, we should offer as much assistance as we can, both individually, and as a nation.  I just hope the broadcasters and publishers can somehow avoid "milking" this event to the point of exhaustion.

Long live The Republic of Haiti
God bless the people of Haiti

Jon

Ashes to ashes....

     I have been a cigarette smoker for very nearly 40 years.  I'm not particularly proud of that, but I started the habit at a time in my life where it was perfectly acceptable, if not completely legal for a teen to smoke.  Of course, at that time in American History, it was perfectly acceptable to smoke, inhale, chew, snort, or shoot up a lot of noxious and unhealthy substances.  My parents even moved our small family from a large, rapidly urbanizing city to a small, rural, cultural slum in a failed attempt to keep the kids from the scourge of DRUGS...
   I say "failed", but it really wasn't that bad.  In my new neck of the woods, it was just as fashionable and cool to chew tobacco as it was to smoke it.  Some people tried experimenting with a lot of other stuff, but in my case, nothing quite met the need as much as good 'ol "cancer sticks".  This was also long before the tobacco companies confessed to manipulating recipes to improve nicotine delivery and/or taste.  Also long before judicial review of their health claims and advertising practices.  It was just mainly one of the few slightly rebellious things a teenager could do to look cool, yet not be sent to a military academy for finishing school back in the 70's.  If I had any regrets about anything I've done in life, this would probably be the biggest.  Both of my parents smoked, and it negatively affected their health over the years.  My own health has begun to be affected, and though I've taken steps to slow down some of the effects, smoking is still the devil I know.  I rationalize that I don't smoke all that much, that I do try to get some exercise and eat properly most days, but at the same time, I understand the full ramifications.  I also fully believe (knowing full well) that "I can stop anytime I want to".  Its mainly that I just don't want to, and I really do believe that my smoking is as much psychologically necessary as it is physically addictive. 

     In spite of the artificially created price increases brought on by extreme taxation of every cigarette made, I continue to supply the craving as much as any alcoholic or crackhead.  As of this year though, I may just give it up after all, but not for health or economic reasons.  The state of Florida, in its malevolent authority, jumped on the bandwagon of nanny states to outlaw the sale of any but FSC cigarettes.  What are they?  FSC is the ugly acronym for "Fire Standards Compliant".  These cigarettes are designed to extinguish themselves automatically, usually just before you take a drag from it.  Touted as a safer product, insofar as they can help eliminate a cause of fires being unintentionally started by those who leave them unattended in an ashtray, they are anything but safe.  It is really a backhanded way to get us hopeless addicts to stop smoking cigarettes.  You'd think our do good legislators would have other moral fires to put out, but its actually cool these days to gamble and consume alcohol, since prohibition really didn't work too well.  Well, no one has ever consumed a carton of cigarettes in one day, then driven the wrong way down an interstate until they killed a lot of innocent individuals.  Driving and texting on your cell phone is not a problem, either.  In fact, car dealers are now promoting useful devices to surf the internet while driving!  http://www.cfnews13.com/News/Local/2010/1/1/smokers_not_on_board_with_new_cigarette_law.html  Of course, an easy solution would be to obtain foreign cigarettes, of just turn to chewing tobacco, snuff or cigars.  It really is about the limitation of otherwise legal vices.  So when "the government" forces bars and liquor stores to water down their products, or use bottles that deliberately leak (rather than completely prohibit), some people might wake up and take notice.  Sure, this is sour grapes on my part, but the bigger issue is: if the government can dictate how to produce a cigarette, regardless of their propaganda, its just the beginning.

There was a time, not long ago, when folks from the east moved to the west because of the freedom.  Maybe that needs to be reevaluated.

Smoke 'em if you got 'em, but they can kiss my ash!!!!
Jon 

The Winter of My Discontent

     As the song goes: "Its the happiest season of all.....".  No, not the dearly departed Christmas and New Year seasons, with all the family belligerence, well disguised animosity, and typical anxiety brought on by too little time or money.  I'm talking about the new season of "Biggest Loser" and all of the weight loss commercials, new gym memberships, shipments of soon to be garage sale exercise equipment, and the extreme guilt brought on by too many pounds on too many people.  Most of us get over the guilt by at least March or April and continue on our oblivious way, down the road leading directly to the hospital.  Most of us baby boomers are even using roller skates to get there quicker.  Periodically I briefly assess my own bad habits, knowing each intimately, and refusing to part company with any of them willingly.  I recently discovered my BMI, or body mass index, using an online calculator to divide my weight by my height.  I have always skirted disaster as a "big boned" kid, but age and other bad habits add a newer sense of urgency to the maxim "If you have your health, you have everything".  Though I have never been particular about maintaining a certain diet, counting carbs or calories, my expanding waistline and groaning scale indicate a need for more consideration on this issue.  According to my BMI, I should lose about 45 pounds to be safely within that culture of not obese in any way.  The current hot topic of whether or not an individual can safely be healthy and hefty at the same time has been one of my favorite discussions, though I profess not to care one way or the other.

It IS a new year, and a new decade.  For me at least, its time to get serious.

Please pass the diet whatever-it-is.......
Jon

******GOOD NEWS********

As of last night, NBC news is reporting that BMI is NOT a really accurate method to determine your overall fitness.  Tonight, they clarified and stated that the hip/waist ratio is more appropriate.  Generally, men should have a ratio of .95 and women less than that.  They also stated that male waists should be no rounder than 40 inches.  If that's the case, I'm a lot closer to healthy living than I thought.  Now if I can just forget how to smoke.

Happy Days Are Here Again?

Well.....
Its another year.  Purple Grannie and I are jammin', but not in the conventional sense.  We are jammed into a 31 foot motor home going NOWHERE!
The reason mainly being there is NO SUCH THING AS PLANET WARMING!!  At least not in Lake City, Florida for the next couple of weeks.  You might wonder why we don't just drive further south, or even out west.  It doesn't matter, its cold, SO COLD, EVERYWHERE........
We actually had a pretty decent New Year's celebration.  Traditionally, and usually, I stay home with loved ones, a big ring of boiled shrimp, champagne of the cheapest vintage, and watch what's left of network TV until the ball drops.  This year, being a duly and newly sworn Moose, with purple Grannie a WOTM, we attended a moose party.  Great Fun was had by all.  Purple and a few of her new lady moosets also had a lot of fun using me as a life size party favor.  If a picture is worth a thousand words, this one is worth a lot less.  This is included only as a warning to fellow Moose men, don't ever let a woman know when you are having a good time......she'll have the last word on that.

Laissez les bons temps rouler
Jon

Karma Electra, or What Goes Around......

Ok, so since I'm on a roll...might as well be as productive as my cold feet will let me.  I have no doubt most everyone that chooses to read this also heard about Il Papa's misfortune on Christmas Eve.  There is just nothing sacred these days, even the pope!  A 25 year old Italian/Swiss Bambino jumped over people and devices designed to keep the holy father at arm's length from the masses, grabbed his holiness' vestments, and dragged the pope and a well placed cardinal to the floor as they entered St. Peter's for early midnight mass.  The cardinal suffered a broken leg or hip, but the pope was unhurt in what could have been a tragedy.  Funny thing is, this young babe had tried to have this kind of papal audience for each of the past two years, without success.  Now, growing up as a young Catholic boy in good standing, this kind of extreme worship was sooo COMPLETELY unthinkable, as to be more than just merely heretical.  Can you imagine if Dorothy had jumped on the Wizard of Oz instead of just whining about Kansas?  Kind of trashes the story.  The nuns that so dutifully raised us in parochial school also spent a lot of time describing what might happen to any of us (especially the boys), should we even THINK about threatening, disobeying, or even laughing behind their backs.  Jumping on the pope's _ ss in ROME, at Christmas, during MIDNIGHT MASS.........would have been just purely suicidal....and not for the obvious reasons.  Back in those days, the Swiss guards would have handed you back to your parents.  Your mother would have handled it from there, and it would never even get on America's Most Wanted.....

We also learned over the holidays that dear old Oral Roberts finally got to meet his mortgage banker.  Seems that even though he managed to survive God's promise to call him home a few years ago if he didn't raise enough money for his University, God called in the loan anyway.  What is so ironic to me......maybe he should have stood in for the pope at Midnight Mass!

God bless us, one and all........
Jon

OMG! Time Flies when you're havin' fun, and even when you aren't!!!

I really, really just lost track of the time.....really.  After promising myself to get started with this again, and having quite a few ideas to write about, I still refused to put it together and put it out there.  Easy to find a variety of reasons, too.  The Holidays are just the most recent.  Getting the "vertical condo", or as Robin Williams called it in his famous movie about RVing, "the TurdMobile" all packed, adjusted and ready to go was a monumental achievement.  At any rate, we did it, and left Lake City in early November for Biloxi, MS. to help #1 (and only) son pack and get ready to deploy with USAF to sunny Osan, Korea for a year.  Even got to do a little bit of RV customizing enroute to Biloxi, with the help of a bunch of strategically placed construction barrels on the side of Interstate 10 west bound.  It seems that awnings on Rvs are the number one insurance claim in America!  GO FIGURE!!!

   At this moment, we now wait for a timely warming of the weather (its 22 degrees outside right now....in FLORIDA), and the imminent birth of my first grandchild, Ayla, sometime around the end of next month.  Then....clear the roads, stay at least 50ft. behind us........we'll be keeping something between the ditches, as much as we can.....

Don't wait up for us....
Jon